Staff

Past Staff

Review for Luka-abby.com

Well, since your changed your layout before I finished reviewing, my first impression is now tainted. It loads faster. That’s good. It’s green. I like green. ……I really don’t have much of an opinion, actually. Because your changed your layout before I finished my review (thus invalidating my whole entire review dedicated to your previous layout), I’m not going to bother rereviewing it.

Granted, it’s my fault on many levels, taking so long to finish this, but you did change in the middle of an active review. Technically, you’re not suppose to change your layout when your site is listed under ‘Active Queue’ so can we call it even?

Information

Site: Luka-abby.com
Type: Fan
Owner: Anna
Reviewed By: Souji
Date Received: 01/29/06
Date Completed: 08/18/06
Preview

Presentation

I like this layout a lot more than the last. It seems tidier and not big and broad. There are some things I can see that you could do better, but overall, it’s nice and works well with your type of site. There’s nothing particularly special about it, but I don’t hate it either… I don’t have much of an opinion about it. So, let’s move on.

Content

Now, you’ll have to forgive my ignorance, as I’m unacquainted with “ER”, but I’ll do my best to accomadate. Hopefully, if you’ve truly done a thorough job with the information, I shouldn’t have too much trouble.

I disagree with the placement of your intro on your layout, since it often gets overlooked. It might be nicer in the future to put it in actual text. Also, the problem is if you want to change something, it becomes rather difficult. For instance, your sentence should read “…Luka and Abby [from] the medical drama E.R.” Luka and Abby aren’t always on the screen when ER is showing, are they? It doesn’t sound wrong really, but “from” would be the more grammatically correct choice.

I’m skipping over your updates because those are easily subjected to change. You need to fix your disclaimer, though, which read should “This is a fansite created without any connections to NBC.” There is no comma after fansite.

The Relationship

I like your explanation of the name of the pairing–it’s easily understandable for someone who might not be familiar with shipping. Also, the bit about the ship name in other languages is adorable. However, it isn’t “obvious” that ship is derived from the word relationship; just the other day, I had to explain to a friend where the term came from. Putting it that way sounds incredibly insulting to someone’s intelligence if they hadn’t gotten it in the first place. Otherwise, the only problem with snippet is the comma after Polish which is unnecessary.

Also, in regards to consistency, in that introduction, you write the ship as “luby” while you write it with a capital letter throughout the rest of your site. Since a ship is a proper noun, I’d go with the capital, but either way, you should make it consistent.

Your links for the page are easy to comprehend, presented in a nice, organized manner. I’m a bit disappointed that you have some sections crossed out, especially ones core to the actual ship, but what you have so far seems fairly sufficient.

The Episode Recaps sentence makes no sense: “Helen lives awesomely funny”. How does she live episode recaps? Do you mean writes? And for “but graciously let me post them here as well!”, I’d add “has” between but and graciously.

Your abbreviations are a bit confusing too and I’m not familiar with the seasons-episode system. I’m guess the first number is the episode and the second is the season. Regardless, you should probably explain that to your unknowing visitors.

“The awesome Ship Manifesto, written by Katie (cloudillusion) on LJ” reads rather awkwardly. I don’t think it’s actually a sentence, since there’s no action going on with the subject. You should probably change it to something to “This is the awesome Shipper’s Manifesto, written by Katie,” etc. By the way, in the next sentence, you’re missing a verb in front of “have”.

Random thought: It’s a called a shipper’s manifesto, not a ship manifesto, though I know that’s what the community’s username is. However, in the title of the main page as well as its profile page, the maintainer refers to it as “The Shipper’s Manifesto”.

Anyway, as you didn’t write the episode recaps nor the shipper’s manifesto, I’m not going to review them since you can’t (and probably shouldn’t, even if you could) edit them. I’m sure your visitors will find them helpful additions to your site, but considering it’s not your writing, I’m skipping over.

Luka Kovač - 411

Your info is all squished together. You don’t even have indents or line spacing, and it’s extremely confusing to read the text. Please add paragraphs or indents or something so it doesn’t kill my eyes.

Also, you really need to tighten up your grammar, but I’ll only point out things that are terribly inaccurate and pain me.

“…in his spare time, currently living in Croatian capital Zagreb.” should probably be changed around to something like “…in his spare time, and is currently in the Croation capital of Zagreb.”
In the next sentence, no comma after mother, but comma after dead.
Next sentence, you end with both a comma and a period; fix to just period.
“Luka went to med school in Croatia, we don’t know which university but he did his internship (and residency?) at a hospital in Vukovar, which is in the eastern part of Croatia” would read better as “Luka went to med school in Croatia, though we don’t know at which university. However, he did his residency In Vukovar, a hospital in the eastern part of Croatia.”
We don’t know where Luka finished his residency and therefore became educated enough to get an attending position at County in 1999, only that it’s likely he worked as an attending somewhere else than in Chicago considering his age. We thus have no idea what he did between 1991-99.

Should I even try to interupt that? How about:

Though it isn’t said when Luka finished his residency, he had become educated enough to get an attending position at County in 1999. However, it is likely he had worked somewhere other than Chicago previously, considering his age, and thus, we have no clue what he did between 91-99.

I would seriously consider varying your sentence structures, and proofreading it more throroughly would help. Anyhow, moving on.
“because of own hangover…” should either be “his own hangover” or “a hangover”. Either way, that phrase makes no sense.
“Back in Chicago” needs a comma after it.
“Luka married his wife Danijela Kovač at a young age according to himself, exactly how old they were is unknown, but it was probably in the mid-late 1980s.” would read better as “Luka married his wife Danijela Kovač at a young age, according to Luka himself, though their exactly ages were unknown; it was probably in the mid-to-late 1980’s.”
“…and met the newly divorced Abby there it is believed…” COMMAS WOMAN, COMMAS–comma between Abby and there. This is one of those things you can tell by just reading through it.
“…crush on Carol Hathaway was Luka’s first romantic tries in the US, when she left Chicago she made the prediction…” should read as “…crush on Carol Hathaway was the first of Luka’s romantic tries in the US; when she left Chicago, she made a prediction…”
“…demons from both Luka and Abby’s pasts, her mother’s manic visits and Carter’s jealousy as well as a two-sided communication problem made the relationship rocky.” can be rewritten as “…demons from both Luka and Abby’s pasts–her mother’s manic visits, Carter’s jealous, as well as two-sided communications problems–made the relationship rocky.”
“Right out of his relationship with Abby a messy affair with a French waitress, Nicole, ended up in an abortion Luka doesn’t know about…” should probably be changed to “Right out of his relationship with Abby was a messy affair with a French waitress, Nicole, and it ended up in an abortion Luka didn’t know about…”
“more well-timed, try” should not have a a comma after well-timed.

I am impressed with your information and how thorough it is. However, I think a picture of Luka might fit well with the bio, to make it more colorful.

Luka’s Apartment
I like the diagram but perhaps some actual pictures inside the apartment would be nice.

Errors:

How about “is often dubbed ‘the Batcave’ by the fandom, as it is very sparsely lit”. You have no verb in that sentence.
“There is either one-and-a-half floor, or two.” is better as “It is either composed of one-and-a-half or two floors.”

Abby Lockhart - 411
Again, I think a picture or two of Abby would help with her biography. This section is thorough and complete, and if I may, probably more comprehensive than the Luka one.

Anyhow, grammatical errors:

Maybe in Minnesota? How about “likely” in Minnesota or “presumably” in Minnesota. Maybe doesn’t work.
Commas are really, really important to how a sentence reads. “…suicide attempts during depressions and irrational and sometimes dangerous behaviour during manic periods…” should be “…suicide attempts during depression, and irrational and sometimes dangerous behaviour during manic periods…”
“…they had always been two outside the disease…” Please explain? That makes no sense. At all.
“Abby is the only one” not “Abby is the only”. Is the only what? Teacup?
“Eric was a controller in the Air Force, but got his flying license in early S9…” The way you are wording that, there is no need for a but. “but only got” or “and got”? Pick one.
Having broken up with his girlfriend and even more manic, Eric showed up again and worrying about both his health and surprisingly long leave from the job, Abby lied to get Eric’s medical records from the military and unfortunately also brought on the military police, who came to fetch Eric for unauthorized absence.

Okay, I’m going to tell you this know, but you really need to now when to end a thought. Commas are good, yes, but that sentence–that–is called a run-on.
“When he contacted her Abby went to get him…” whose Abby? Maggie’s? Luka’s? Carter’s? I think you mean, “contacted her, Abby…”
Just so you know, you can’t “major” in medicine until you graduate and move on to med school. This is true for any medical program in the US, but I know this especially since Penn State is in the state I live in, and thus am familiar with. From what you’re writing, I’m guessing she more likely majored in nursing before moving on to med school, or else she would not be allowed as an OB nurse.
At the time (year 2000) she was doing her ER rotation as a med student, and having worked as an OB nurse previously she stayed in the ER as a nurse, in order to gain the ER experience until she could afford school again.

You might seriously want to consider rephrasing that sentence. Like a lot of your sentences, it’s not very concise and I’m not sure what your point is. How about:

At the time, in 2000, she was doing her ER rotation as a med student; since she had already worked as an OB nurse previously, she stayed in the ER as a nurse in order to gain the experience she needed until she could afford med school again.
Abby married Richard Lockhart somewhere between her 18th birthday and the summer of 2000, when they divorced. It wasn’t a very friendly divorce - we don’t know what brought it on but infidelity…

You really need to learn how to break down thoughts correctly. Did you perhaps means something more like:

Abby married Richard Lockhard somwhere between her 18th birthday and the summer of 2000. When they divorced, it wasn’t a very friendly divorce; we don’t know what brought it on, but infidelity…
“…and after several turns Carter followed…” should be “…and after severl turns, Carter followed…”

Okay, now that I’m done with that, I’m going to tell you I am through with editing your grammar. If it were only a few errors, fine, I would’ve been glad to point them out. At this point, I am utterly and completely sick of doing it because it’s quite obvious to me that you haven’t even done yet, thus, you shouldn’t be pushing it on to a reviewer.

I’d highly suggest you reread it, and reread it thoroughly because I know you can do better than that–I read your LJ profile. Your information is comprehensive and very in-depth, but even reading a few lines of this in such atrocious grammar, I really, really would not care because I wouldn’t be able to read past those few lines.

I think you owe it to your ship as well as your visitors to actually proofread the stuff you write for them. That being said, I’m going to move one and actually review the content.

The Lubylet
I like how this section is organized to tell the history of the baby. But, one thing that confused me, was the name the fandom gave the child–the Lubylet? It would probably do a great favor if you explained it too. Because at first, I thought it was a car or something.

Other Important People
This section is objective, but in my opinion, maybe a bit too objective. Carter, I know, was Abby’s boyfriend at one point, yet you only mentioned it passingly in sort of a passive, non-commital way. I think for these people to really be important to Abby and/or Luka, you have to express a more subjective point on how they and their relationships affected the characters. Otherwise, it’s kind of just a short biography that has nothing to do with either Luka or Abby.

FAQ
Question 1 is completely and totally unnecessary since you already stated on your main info page. Since there is no other way to get to this FAQ page, it is completely redundant, as they can just read it on the main page. Then again, it is your choice. Otherwise, your info page is quite thorough. However, a question I might want to know, just a bit, is, “Why do you ship Luby?” After all, if you love them this much, you have to have your reasons.

Episode Guide
In all honesty, I didn’t read much of your episode guide; I’m not very interested in finding out. I’m sure, as I’ve said, that your visitors find them nice. However, I notice that in your description, you say that it’s an L/A summary when there are clearly a lot of episodes where you don’t mention anything of Luka or Abby actually interacting. You might want to reword it so it’s “Luka, Abby, and/or Luby action” or something. Perhaps, as a side note, you might want to warn your visitors for spoilers since they might or might not realize that the episode guide would have them. I’d actually recommend that for your entire info section.

Articles and Transcriptions

Again, I’m not touching the newpaper articles since… that’s actually kind of not legal. Actually, in general, reprinting the articles and putting them on your site isn’t legal because they actually belong to a magazine/newspaper, and you’re reprinting copyright material. I’d highly suggest you put a disclaimer of sort because there’s no guaratee they won’t go after you. Copyright infringement is a heavy-duty crime, which my English teachers drilled into my head.

As for crossing out the seasons you haven’t transcribed yet, it would look a lot nicer if you did them just one by one opposed to just one big streak. That way, it looks more concise and plotted.

Episode Transcripts
Can I ask why you linked all the episodes even though you clearly have not transcribed them all? It’s especially daunting to visitors when they click on something and nothing comes up. Get rid of them.

Gallery

I think click “here” is just a bit hard to find. You should probably link a whole sentence with something like “Click here to launch” so they don’t have to waste time to look so hard for it. It’s quite annoying.

You should probably combine your sections of “Credits and Stuff” and “Icons and Wallpapers” to “Terms of Usage” since that’s what they both seem to be. It’s more concise that way, and covers a broader range. It also commands a visitor’s curiosity more to what they’re looking for than the other two headings.

Also, kudos to you for not requiring people to link back for using your images.

Extras

……do you realize that this is a broken link? You should fix your navigation for multimedia and interactive so they are /content/FILENAME.php instead of /FILENAME.php. Always check your links.

Anyhow, your multimedia is not multi nor media, which is what you linked under the navigation. I find this misleading. Also, I think an image gallery counts as multimedia, so maybe you should merge the sections? Just a suggestion.

Interactive

See note above about fixing broken links.

I don’t see much in this section. You get people to say stuff and you post them, so I guess that’s them doing something. But it seems to be a lot more effort on their part than yours. I’ve always thought of interactive as, like, games or fanlistings. I think this section would more approperiately be titled “Visitors”.

The Site

Apparently, this is one where you should remove the /content in front of it. I’m also too lazy to read for grammarical mistakes. It looks pretty good as is, but I caught a few things, so I highly suggest you read over it.

The only problem I have with this section is that your links are all the way at the bottom. I think you should probably break this into its own section, Linkage, since site and linkage don’t neccessarily have to go together. Again, your call.

Final Statement

In all honesty, I gave up reviewing your site. As you’ve proved many, many times throughout your site, it’s a lovely haven for supporters of the ship. However, it doesn’t do much for someone who is just browsing through out of interest, whether acquainted with them or not. Also, your site really lacks in the way of converting people to the ship, which is somewhat important, since a pairing is only supported by its fans.

In all the amount of info you had, which was a lot, I must admit, you really didn’t relate it much to the ship itself. Indirectly yes, but it should related more since this is your shrine to them as a ship, not them as two characters.

I see a lot of potential in your site, and while you have accomplished a lot already, there’s always room for improvement. I hope you will consider some of my suggestions.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 18th, 2006 at 12:08 pm and is filed under Fan-Related. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Comments to “Luka-abby.com”

Anna Says:
August 18th, 2006 at 12:32 pm
Thanks for the review, just a few things I wanted to say;

- I changed the layout because the site was hacked, and I didn’t have the old layout files left (nor did I particulary like it after some four months, but it wasn’t the main reason). The hacking is mentioned in the Updates.

- I *have* written the episode guides, in fact. I know a lot of people don’t write this kind of stuff put copy them from the network website or so (the episode descriptions) - but I didn’t. Just wanted to mention that.

- I’m sorry that my grammar (commas…) - is lacking; it is because English isn’t my first language, and I probably use my mothertounge’s rules for commas in English text. I’m working on fixing this, but it’s proven to be rather hard work, since I’m used to doing it the wrong way.

- The reason for the Luka 411 being less comprehensive than the Abby 411 is that we know very little about him, and a lot about her, from the show. Overall, I realise that I probably speak more to the already-initiated-fan than to the a non-fan, but I think that it is kind of to be expected from a fan site. I will certainly add some descriptions - but some things, like taking offence to the “obviously” comment, just seems unnecessary touchy to me. But, I’ll edit some of it, no worries.

Thanks again!

Anna Says:
August 18th, 2006 at 6:07 pm
Me again - not that I want to spam these comments or anything =P

Just realised I forgot to say thanks about the Guardian article thing; I can’t understand why I ever posted it like that to begin with, especially since I’m quite aware of copyright in general. Shees!

Going through the site, I realised that a lot of what you pointed out was because of the hacking and its hysteric aftermath - I was so stressed I didn’t realise what I had edited and what not. Hmpf. One point to hacker, I guess!

Paige Says:
May 30th, 2007 at 12:01 am
So, yeah. This was my favorate site for basicly anything ER. But is there a reason, that it’s now gone. The site luka-abby.com is still there; but it’s like some real estate crap.

If there’s anyway you can get ahold of Anna? I think that was her name. But if there is any way I can get bck to the site, or a FWD address, I would really appriciate it.